Barely a month since Johnny Depp won his never-ending defamation trial against ex-wife Amber Heard, a rumor has surfaced on the website PopTopic that Disney, in its infinite Dis-dom, wants the actor to resume swashbuckling in more “Pirates of the Caribbean” films for an obscene $301 million. !

Even if the Mouse House offers Depp a single gold doubloon to start flitting about as Captain Jack Sparrow again, this is a plan worthy of the poop deck.

Depp had his day (well, his gajillion days) in court and came out victorious.

What shivers me timbers is that Old Man Depp is no longer physically or artistically capable of starring in these movies.

When the first “Pirates” film was released — *takes a swig of pirate rum* — 19 years ago, Depp was a spry, sexy 40-year-old, who had only two years earlier played Juliette Binoche’s smoldering suitor in “Chocolat.”.

Yes, 875,337 people have signed a Change.org petition in the past year asking for Depp to pick up the sword again.