This is an as-told-to essay based on a conversation with Rita Isbell, the sister of Errol Lindsey, one of Jeffrey Dahmer's victims.

Isbell's emotional victim impact statement, delivered in court at the 1992 sentencing, was recreated in Netflix's new show, "Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story." The essay has been edited for length and clarity.

When I found out I could read a victim impact statement, I knew I was going to let Jeffrey Dahmer have it.

I just didn't know what I was going to say.

Whatever I thought I was going to say, that didn't happen.

My plans were to get up there and say how it made my mother feel and what it did to her and all this other stuff.

The reason why I said what I said during that impact statement was because, during the trial, they were portraying him as being so out of control he couldn't stop himself.

So that's why I said: "Let me show you what out of control is.

I didn't hold it in and later say: "Oh, I wish I had said or done this when I had the opportunity to." And I think I was speaking for a lot of the other family members of the victims.

If I didn't know any better, I would've thought it was me.

I feel like Netflix should've asked if we mind or how we felt about making it.

I could even understand it if they gave some of the money to the victims' children.

If the show benefited them in some way, it wouldn't feel so harsh and careless.

That's just greed. .

But I had to make this stuff make sense and deal with it.

I don't want to walk away from answers, questions, my opinions, how I feel, any of that stuff, especially if I can help.

The positive thing to come out of this is that the world didn't know that my brother had any children.

When I think of my brother, I think of how he was such a goofball, and I think he's going to appreciate the fact that I'm still standing for him until my last breath