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Nov 20, 2020 2 mins, 27 secs

This Thanksgiving, Michelle Preble planned to fly from her home in Clackamas County, Oregon, to Texas to share a holiday dinner with her mother and her brother, Donnie, who is in home hospice care.

But because of the pandemic, Preble, 48, has made the excruciating choice not to go — even though she has not seen her brother since last Thanksgiving and does not know when she will see him next.

“However much time he still has, I want to be as much a part of it as I can, and not being able to be is heartbreaking,” Preble said.

“We know this is a painful decision to make, given how isolated and lonely many people have been throughout the pandemic,” said Tener Goodwin Veenema, a professor and visiting scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security.

With small gatherings at private residences contributing to an explosion in coronavirus cases, experts say the safest way to celebrate Thanksgiving is with members of your own household, or via Zoom if you want to connect with family and friends elsewhere.

It is her grandmother’s favorite holiday, she said, but the family has agreed not to gather this year.

“I never imagined I would be in a position as a mom to tell my kids, ‘You can’t come over for Thanksgiving dinner,’” Preble said.

“I’ll pass off a plate at the door, and do some elbow bumps,” Preble said.

Nearly 2 out of every 5 Americans will likely attend a gathering of more than 10 people this Thanksgiving, according to a survey released this month by the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.

Cases are already skyrocketing, and many people are experiencing “caution fatigue” — becoming desensitized to warnings out of exhaustion from observing safety guidance, said Jackie Gollan, a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychiatry at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, who conducts research on how to make better decisions.

Lisa Tirone, 49, will be hosting a dozen family members, including her parents, at her Blairstown, New Jersey, home.

“I would move mountains in order to be able to enjoy a holiday with my family,” Tirone said, adding that she has asked her relatives not to have close contact with other people between now and Thanksgiving to limit their chances of exposure.

“I think we’re all lulled into a false sense of security when we consider inviting our closest friends and even biological family members who don’t live with us — that because we know them and have a sense of shared values, that perhaps we are safe,” Goodwin Veenema, of the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, said.

Part of what keeps Hilst’s spirits up is the hope that he will be able to spend next Thanksgiving with family, especially given promising data emerging about Covid-19 vaccines that are in development

Meanwhile, in Oregon, Preble is keeping in touch with her mother and brother in Texas via daily phone calls and video chats

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