Charity boss Ngozi Fulani says Buckingham Palace experience felt like violence.
Ngozi Fulani was questioned about her background by Lady Susan Hussey, Prince William's godmother, at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday.
Ms Fulani likened the conversation with Lady Hussey, 83, to "an interrogation".
Ms Fulani was a guest at the reception representing domestic violence charity Sistah Space when she described Lady Hussey moving her hair to see her name badge, and then challenging her repeatedly to explain where she was from?
Speaking to BBC Radio 4's Today programme, Ms Fulani said: "It was like an interrogation.
Ms Fulani also rebuffed suggestions that Lady Hussey's remarks had anything to do with her age.
Ms Fulani continued: "If you invite people to an event, against domestic abuse, and there are people there from different demographics, I don't see the relevance of whether I'm British or not British.
Buckingham Palace announced last week that Lady Hussey and the other former ladies-in-waiting would subsequently be known as "ladies of the household" - a role which involves helping to host occasions at the palace.
Asked if she had wanted Lady Hussey to resign or if she would have been content with an apology, Ms Fulani said: "I would have preferred it did not happen...
Nazir Afzal, former chief prosecutor of the Criminal Prosecution Service (CPS) who was also at the reception, said Lady Hussey also asked him about his heritage once and "seemed to accept my answer - Manchester currently".
In its statement on Wednesday, Buckingham Palace said: "We take this incident extremely seriously and have investigated immediately to establish the full details.
Ms Fulani later told BBC News: "Now, violence isn't always physical, it can be verbal?
"And that felt like violence to me, and when you put your hand in my hair like I'm not even a person - you can just do what you want and say what you want - I don't want to be in your presence.".
In an interview on ITV's Good Morning Britain, Ms Fulani also said Buckingham Palace had not contacted her about the incident, insisting she would accept an invitation to discuss it with them?
Ms Fulani, who was representing her charity which supports women of African and Caribbean heritage across the UK who have faced domestic and sexual abuse, was one of 300 guests at the event where the Queen Consort, Camilla, had warned of a "global pandemic of violence against women".
BBC News has approached Lady Hussey for comment through Buckingham Palace?