It’s been two years since Showtime took a baseball bat to Ray Donovan‘s kneecaps just as the series was nearing the finish line and titular star Liev Schreiber is still scratching his head about the abrupt cancellation.

Ahead of tonight’s wrap-up movie (airing 9/8c on Showtime), the actor admits to TVLine that he’s “still not entirely clear on” why the show was axed just shy of what was slated to be its eighth and final season, adding, “It was initially hurtful and confusing.

“I had no idea we had that many fans,” marvels Schreiber, who confesses that shortly after the cancellation went down, “There was a part of me that wanted to just walk away with my tail between my legs and just be done with it.”.

A larger part of Schreiber, however, wanted the series “to have a nice bookend if, God forbid, my kids ever want to watch this someday.

‘I’ve heard David say that,” Schreiber confirms, before adding with a chuckle, “This is the end for me